The boys try to fatten up Butters and then liposuction him so they can get a marketing deal at a local restaurant. Meanwhile, Jared from the Subway commercials causes a controversy when he reveals that he lost weight with the help of aides.
The kids and their families take a vacation together in Aspen. However, the parents get stuck in an endless timeshare presentation, and Stan is forced into a showdown with a cocky skier.
The boys disguise Butters as a mutant to win prizes on The Maury Povich show. They become upset when Butters' prize is a round of putt-putt golf, and so Cartman goes on the show as an out of control teen. The mutant freaks who make a career of visiting TV talk shows go on strike, taking Butters with them.
Stan leads the boys in kidnapping all the baby cows from a local ranch after a first hand look at how veal is made turns him into a vegetarian.
The boys have to sit through an episode of “Fightin' Round The World” with Russell Crowe so they can see a preview for the new movie starring Terrence & Philip. However, bad luck forces them to race across town searching for a working TV.
After being shunned by his friends, Butters develops a villainous alter ego and sets out to wreak havoc on the town. Meanwhile, the boys search for a new friend.
Professor Chaos struggles to find an evil scheme that hasn't already been done on “The Simpsons.” Meanwhile, Cartman accidentally creates life in his aquarium.
Father Maxi travels to the Vatican to confront the growing problem of priests molesting children. Meanwhile, Cartman discovers that it is possible to crap out of your mouth.
The boys start a group to stop a maniacal Steven Spielberg from altering “Raiders of the Lost Ark” while also catering to a group who demand a trailer-trash toddler murderer be freed.
Bebe's breasts begin to develop, and the boys are at a loss to explain why they are suddenly drawn to her, when they had no interest in her before.
Parents in South Park become gripped with fear that their children will be abducted, which leads to them taking more and more extreme measures to ensure their safety, finally culminating in a giant wall being built around the town.
The boys try to build a ladder to heaven to retrieve a winning ticket Kenny had before he died. When their efforts are mistaken for an act of childhood innocence, a media circus ensues.
Randy and Sharon realize too late that the box they have sent with the boys contains a porno rather than a copy of “The Lord Of The Rings.” As the parents race to stop them in time, the boys realize the tape they have has a strange power over people.
Mr. Garrison does what he can to get fired for being gay so he can sue the school for millions of dollars. This turns out to be easier said than done because the parents and school staff feel they have to be tolerant no matter what.
Stan tries to disprove psychic John Edward after a reading messes with Kyle's mind. Meanwhile, Cartman and Chef travel to Scotland to exorcise Kenny from Cartman's body.
A freak electric storm causes Stan's future self to return to the present. Stan's future self is an unemployed drug addict, but Stan suspects that it is a hoax.
When an attempt to bring Christmas to Iraq turns disastrous, the boys head to Iraq with Jesus and Mr. Hankey to save Santa from terrorists.